I can't tell you (but I'm gonna try) how thrilled I am that May is OVER.
While I don't want to wish time away....
or hurry through the moments that God has blessed me with....
In all honesty???
May 2011-May 2012 was not exactly my favorite period of time.
I'm kinda ready for a "re-do".
I'm looking forward to a summer that IS SUMMER....
not one that was....well....this post may best explain what last summer was/wasn't/was/wasn't.
I'm looking forward to catching fireflies with my kids...
to staying up super late and missing much needed sleep because I choose to....
to remembering which days are for tennis and which are for swim team....
to remembering all the ingredients (at once) for homemade ice cream....
to checking some things off our "what we WANT to do" list....
to being excited to come home at the end of a weekend getaway.
And speaking of "home".....
We're making some serious progress on our "forever place".
There is paint on the walls and tile going down on the floor.
It actually looks more like a house than a
And that's good.
Our official move date is (hopefully) set for September 1st....but everyone is telling me that it could me much sooner than that.
All of the wonderful kind people in my life are so thrilled for us....and they keep asking me if I'm so excited to be at this point of "transition".
(Now here comes the point of my post where I am afraid I sound like a spoiled rotten ungrateful horrible brat....when I am actually incredibly grateful and know my blessings are obvious but am simply being honest because SO MANY of my "displaced" friends have admitted feeling the exact same way to me and I hope to perhaps normalize this feeling a bit by publicly admitting it and confronting the emotional contradictions.....make sense? )
I don't think "excitement" is the best word to describe my feelings.
I've been racking my
(Yes...it's two words....a "term" really but let's not get technical....please.)
I am really looking forward to being DONE.
I am really looking forward to being SETTLED.
To be specific.....
...to unpacking that last room in the warehouse and seeing once and for all if certain things are actually gone or have been waiting patiently for me in insulation filled cardboard boxes.
... to my kids having a place to unpack their "treasures" and see that some of their old life is still around.
...to framing some photos (that had been lost and I have re-ordered) and putting them out where I can see them.
...to buying bathroom towels that match and are in a color I like.
...to changing the address on my driver's license and sending out "change of address" cards.
...to putting things where I want them instead of just using them from where they landed when they came out of a big black garbage bag last June.
....to being DONE and SETTLED.
Now believe you me....I KNOW that "things" (or even walls and a roof) don't make a home.
I know very well that anything tangible (and I mean anything) can be taken away from you in 72 seconds flat.
I know that the only dependable constant in my family's life is God....and that if we aren't centered around Him we're simply stumbling along on sinking sand.
I know this.
I know know know know this.
I knew this last year....and I know it now.
But here's a truth I have learned about myself this year...
I want a home base.
Not a temporary one....but a permanent one.
Maybe it's because I'm a stay at home mom.
Because I'm a homemaker.
Because I'm a girl.
I know it's not because I like picking wall colors and flippin' fixture shapes....because those decisions are driving me freakin' batty.
Whatever the reason....God wired me to feel and work best from a "homey home"....and that's just how it is.
((On the flip side.....
If I felt like God was calling us to make a move....
To become more transitory as a family....
To uproot and travel around doing His work until He told us (if ever) to stop and rest....
I think I could totally do that.
Because the difference would be this:
First of all I would have had the opportunity to CHOOSE to make that lifestyle change.
Secondly....it would be our new life....not some temporary "on hold" business until things became settled again.
But I certainly don't feel like God's nudging me toward a gypsy style missionary life.
If I'm wrong...I will
Sure....I know this has been an awesome refining experience for me.
That being said....I really hope I've learned what I should and it's almost over.
So let's stop the rambling.
Let me quote a friend of mine in a great article recently written about Joplin:
"This is an opportunity we never asked for....but can't afford to waste."
I get to essentially create a home that will be custom-ly perfect for my family of five.
What an opportunity!
I can put outlets in places that I've only DREAMED of!
I can add insulation between my kids' rooms so they don't wake each other!
I can have a fireplace that turns on with a light switch!
And YES I am so happy about the house that we are creating!
I didn't want to move.
I liked my house.
I loved my neighborhood.
I really miss my neighbors and my "old" life.
I have an opportunity to create a home that my family will enjoy for the rest of our.....forever.
I thought we would have enjoyed our old home forever.
So I look at the dusty newly textured walls in our new house.
I picture where the Christmas tree will go.
I imagine the kids sitting at the soon-to-be installed breakfast bar watching TV.
I try to find the right furniture for the room---and isn't it cool to be able to purchase furniture that actually fits a room instead of trying to fit your old stuff into a different space?--and try not to wince when I think of how our old couch/rug/table/lamp/whatever would have looked in a certain spot.
I want to live in this house.
I like this house.
I know we will be so comfortable there.
I realize how incredibly unbelievable blessed I am to have this opportunity.
I don't think I've explained this very well.
Let me try one more time.
When I am picking out a design for a bookshelf at the house....
I am not "excited" about changing a wall into something different....
But I am hopefully and gratefully anticipating how good it will feel to see my things settled on those shelves.
When I am walking out a potential fence line in the backyard....
I am not "excited" about creating a fenced space for our dogs.....
But I am happily anticipating how good it will be to not have to worry about that anymore.
When we are moved and settled.....
I will feel relief.
This chapter will close....and the next will begin.
Chapters...and season....must be experienced.
Thank God they have endings.
And we're close to the next chapter....
And when we get there....
Come on over.
I am going to be on the back porch enjoying a big mug of tea.
Or a wedding cake concrete from Shake's.