Last and First...

Tonight the kids and I watched the final episode of the show Good Luck Charlie.

It's a cute little Disney show that's been running for a few years….and a miracle form of entertainment in the fact that all of my kids actually enjoy it.

So they were really  pumped up for the FINAL episode….and I actually sat down to watch with them instead of doing one of 800 other more productive things.

As finales go it was fine.
Cute.
Heartwarming-ish.

The main character (Charlie's big sister) was heading off to college and saying good-bye to her family and friends as she prepared for the new chapter of her life.

When my eldest noticed that I was actually planted in one spot and looking toward the TV he said,
"Mom…you're WATCHING with us????
Why?  What's the big deal about it being the last one?"

"I don't know," was my sagacious reply.
"Last ones seem to be the ones you should pay attention to and remember, I guess."
Well said super-wise-mother….well said.

I remember a few years earlier watching the last episode of iCarly.
Again…wasn't my personal favorite…
But I loved it because all of my children watched it together….
And it was kind of the end of an era.

(I will always remember how they danced and rubbed their stomachs during the theme song….)

I remember getting together with my friends in high school to watch the final episode of Cheers.
I remember my mom being teary eyed after watching the last episode of MASH.

(What is with the final episode business?
We don't KNOW these characters…
We don't (mostly) CARE about these characters….
We possibly identify with parts of the show but it's a SHOW!
Not real life!!)

Then Disney did the inevitably cheesy yet annoyingly poignant flashbacks of the characters through the ages…..
showing how they'd grown and changed,
how they'd matured,
how they'd become older and bigger and more adult-like.

And I flipping teared up.

SERIOUSLY?

For crying out loud.
I don't even particularly LIKE this show.
Pathetic.

As my unruly eyes leaked tears while Charlie's sister ( I still don't even know her name!) sang some sappy song….my son asked me incredulously,
"Are you CRYING????"

Then, like the sweet kind children they are,
All three of them began comforting me with beautiful sentiments such as:
"Just wait until I go to college….it's only 5 years away!"
"Well when I go you'll have no boys left at home!"
"But when I leave your house will be soooooo empty!"

And as my angels all laughed uproariously at my sentimentally challenged self…
I smiled and directed their attention to the TV and just thought.
Thought about…
Well…
How sometimes I missed the final "episodes" with them.

I remember so clearly helping my first-born take his first steps.
I vividly recall him letting my fingers slide out of his tight fist as he stumbled forward
one
two
three
four steps before collapsing to the ground with a gigantic smile on his little face.

I remember that….
But I can't remember the last time he needed my hands to keep him balanced.

I remember the first time I walked my younger son into school.
How he clung fiercely to my hand.
How he sat bravely at his desk with his eyes focused on the board trying not to cry.
How he gave me
one
two
three hugs before forcefully releasing me.
How he gave me a very small wave as I walked out of the door.

I remember that…
But I can't remember the final time we hugged before he ran into school on his own.

I remember showing my daughter how to use a tippy cup.
I remember the feel of her sticky fingers on mine as we tipped it up over her head.
I distinctly recall the look of surprise on her face when she got JUICE from the cup instead of a bottle.

I remember that….
But when….when was the very last time she needed my help to do it?

Those "firsts" are so important.
So memorable.
Such milestones.

First tooth.
First word.
First date.

But….what about the "lasts"?
When did he stop sleeping with his stuffed cow?
When did she stop needing a night light?
When did he give up his favorite blanket?

How did I miss those moments?
How didn't I realize that the "ends" of
rituals and
habits and
years and
eras….were so easy to miss?

I mean….superheroes were all one of my kids cared about for YEARS.
They ruled every facet of his life.
And now…he wouldn't be caught watching Spiderman if a whole year's allowance depended on it.

When did that happen?
How did I miss the end of that?
I still see him in a Flash costume….
but then I blink…
and it's actually a football jersey and he's being tackled by some ginormous 300 pound 7 foot tall lineman.

I wish I had know that these "lasts" were coming.
I would have maybe cuddled a little longer….knowing that the next night I wouldn't be allowed to lay in her bed.
I might have sung one more horribly out of tune song if I knew that the next evening I would be told to "just turn out the light".
I would have brought lunch to school and sat with him and his buddies one more time if I'd known the the next day I would get the whispered, "Thanks, Mom….but can you just hand it to me in the doorway and go on?"

I guess there's a reason that "Don't Know What Ya Got 'Till it's Gone" song did so well.
It's horribly true.
And that's probably why so many people still say things like,
"Don't go to bed angry."
"Always kiss good-night."
"Never leave something unsaid."
(etc etc etc etc)

Because we DON'T know when the last time will be.

Whether it's the last time my son needs two pacifiers to sleep…
or the last time a kid needs an adult to drive him somewhere…
or the last time I get to hug my grandmother….
or the last time I get to say good-night to my dad…
or the last time I see a friend….
or the last time I get a chance to tell someone that I'm sorry.

First times are obvious.
Last times are not.

Except when they are cheesy hour-long finales that have been advertised for 3 months.

So I'm that sentimental mom who cries watching Disney.
(Dang it.)
I imagine how it's going to be when I look UP at my baby,
Stretch high to put my arms around the shoulders I used to carry on my shoulder…
Kiss his stubbly cheek that I used to bury my face into….
And watch him drive off to a new life.

Then I blow my nose.
I promise myself to treasure what I've got in front of me.
I commit myself to enjoying what I have while I have it.

But also to remember that each "last"….makes room for a new "first."

New phases and seasons of life can be beautiful.
Even the hard and painful ones…because they lead us to better ones.

"Lasts" aren't necessarily bad….but they are sometimes hard.
They're especially hard when you realize they've happened…and you somehow missed them.

As for the show…
Well--thankfully through the power of re-runs and DVR's and all that high netflix techno jazz…
we can be happily reunited with our favorite characters whenever we want.

As for life…
I guess we will remember most of the "firsts"…
And just shake our heads at how fast they became "lasts."

And when I try to explain to my kids that I watch the finales because I've missed the well-defined ends of various parts of real life….
And when they give each other the look that their mother has gone off the deep end and is neck-deep in unreachable crazy-mud…
And I start to cry as the teenage Disney stars sing some Elton John remake….

I'll rest comfortably in the fact that it's probably possibly definitely not the last time I will dumbfound and confuse my children.

You're welcome, angels.

Some Things Bear Repeating….

This song bears re-posting.
And putting on repeat.
Over and over.
Again.

He's there….Even when you wonder….

Baby it's COLD outside….

And with the temperatures coming in today at a balmy -8 degrees…..
And with a spectacular wind chill of -21 degrees….

Our school made the decision last night to….
ahem….
extend Christmas break by another day!

Yea.
I mean…..YEA!!!

Kids were, of course, over the moon excited.

The boy cousins came over to have a movie night and a sleepover
And Carolyn went to their house to do the same thing
(on a pinker and pony-er level)
with my niece.

So….
I did what I could for my waaaaaay overused kitchen….
I scooped up and dried four sets of snow clothes….
I put the sopping wet bath mats (Well HE opened the door while I was showering so I HAD to spray him with the water!)...
I mopped the slushy floor.,,,
I wiped snow ice cream residue off of every counter….
I ventured into the arctic to retrieve a pair of wayward snow boots….

Then I got the boys settled in for a date with Indiana Jones downstairs.

As I turned off the lights in the kitchen I brewed a steamin' cup of tea for myself.
(Hey….it was that or a double shot of tequila.)

I carried my well-earned reward to the basement and plopped myself on the couch for a well deserved rest.

And one fourth grader snuggled close close very close into my right side.

So I switched my cup of tea to my left hand.

And one second grader snuggled very very close to my left side.

So I put my warm cozy mug on the table….and hugged two precious kids.

As I watched my drink cool….I knew it was the best cup of tea I've ever wasted.

Brick by Brick….Sock by Sock….

I wish for world peace.
I wish for no one to be hungry.
I wish that everyone can understand how precious they are to God.
I wish for an end to sorrow.

I wish what almost every other person on earth wishes
…..including those pretty people competing in various beauty pageants everywhere.

(Hey….that's why the "world-peace-wishers" win these competitions.
They wish for what we all wish for.
Just sayin'…..)

I think as people….
as humans….
most of us simply want GOOD things for others.
We want other people to be free of yucky things.
We want to see joy.

Most of us feel something on the spectrum of sorrow when we see bad situations.

Maybe I feel mad when I see children being abused….
or frustrated when I see big groups misappropriating donated money…
or appalled when I discover purposeful mistreatment of someone…
or despair when I hear that thousands of kids under age 5 die of starvation each day…
or overwhelming sadness when I read about  teenagers aging out of orphanages…

These are bad things.
I hate that they exist.

When I learn about these kinds of things….
When they are called to my attention…

I WANT TO FIX THEM.

I want to find that elusive magical "make-it-better" wand and wave that sucker all over this crazy little planet.

But I can't find it.
And I can't fix world hunger.

I think it was Mother Theresa who said something along the lines of,
"You can't help everyone….but you can help someone."

I read a cool devotional last night by the president of World Vision.

He was feeling overwhelmed by all the people who needed help….and his organization's limited ability to assist.

Then he found inspiration and comfort in the book of Nehemiah in the Bible.

Nehemiah was really upset when he realized that the giant wall that used to surround Jerusalem was still broken down and in ruins from when the city had been attacked years before.

He knew that the Jews were supposed to rebuild it….and even got permission from the king to go ahead and start the project.

But….it was huge.
There was soooooooooooooooo much that needed to be fixed.
How could it ever be completed by "normal people" who were certainly not masons or wall-builders by trade?

Well….

…The priests made repairs, each in front of his own house.
--Nehemiah 3:28

And you know what happened?

The entire wall was repaired in FIFTY-TWO days because each person focused on the specific task right in front of them.

This devotional ends with the question,
"What section of the wall has God put in front of you?"

Hey.
I can't fix an entire wall.
I can't save the world.
I can't even get all of my laundry done.

But…I can put away the basket of socks.
I can make one phone call.
I can stack a few bricks.

I think that God puts something specific in my path each day.
Something that he has prepared expressly for me to do.

In fact,
….We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared BEFOREHAND that we should walk in them.
--Ephesians 2:10

So my only task today?
Find that specific task God has laid out before me.

Make sure I don't ignore or overlook it….
small things which may seem so unimportant and insignificant to me are often the ones that have the greatest impact on others.

Say "yes" to this job even if it's inconvenient….
things that seem like burdens are often great opportunities in disguise.

Be thankful when I find a chance to serve….
remember that my life is not about how clean my house is or even about my personal schedule at all...

Do what I can….even when I can't do it all.

I am quite sure that God is big enough to finish the jobs He wants complete.

So I'm off to find my little wall section (or single basket of laundry).
I hope I recognize it….even if I have to trip over it to do so!

Sometimes….
When I'm laying on the floor looking upward….
I see things the most clearly anyways.


Here is a link to a great book by Richard and Renee Stearns….

Perspectives...

Last month I agreed to take on a two-week substitute teaching job for my kids' school.

Sure, the two weeks were the last two weeks before Christmas break….but with some foresight and a lot of coffee I could manage, right?

I've said it before and I'll say this again….
Teachers do not get paid nearly enough.

And I've got it easy!
All the lesson plans are done for me (in beautiful detail),
All the worksheets are copied and labeled,
All of the activities are organized,
All of the supplies are carefully laid out,
All of the other teachers are awesomely kind and helpful.

Still….I seem to be a bit behind in every other area of my life.

Ah well.

It's been a great lesson in priorities and time management….and I think it's given my kids and RH a fresh appreciation for the things I do during my "lounging" time while they're at work and school.

Anyway…today has been a lovely experience in how quickly circumstances can change my perspective.  And it's only 8 am.

--Alarm goes off at 5:10---uggh…..
--I hear sleet hitting the window so I hit "snooze"--good….
--Alarm goes off again--uggh….
--I have hot coffee with RH--good….
--Phone alarm goes off to tell me that several schools are cancelled--iffy.
--My school isn't--good. (Kids have many tests and two of my classes have fiestas!)….
--I'm running late from checking school cancellations--grrrr.
--I bump into my middle kid coming up/down the stairs-he's up early! Good…..
--I see the wreck that is my bedroom and closet from all of the junk thrown in there over the last 1.5 weeks of my "working" and I feel really really frazzled.  Ugggh….
--RH turns on the radio in the bedroom and it's playing my favorite old song….so good.
--RH comes up--but interrupts my thankful spiel with, "Ethan's throwing up.  Everywhere."  Not so good….
--RH agrees to stay with sick kiddo until I can figure out who to call to arrange for a substitute for my substitute job--sorta good….
--My mother-in-law agrees to take other kids to school…helpful good….
--Rh tells me he's cleaned the carpet with vinegar (because he remembered to not use bleach on the oriental rug)….super good…
--I get other kids up and try not to flinch as I tell them that they are the only school system in session today and their brother will also be staying home….iffy…
--I come downstairs to an interesting yet not unpleasant odor--Ahhh.  RH has used apple cider vinegar to clean oriental rug.  Good? Bad? Verdict's still out on this one…
--I realize I've hidden the supplies for the fiestas today--dang….
--I get other kids off to school via super MIL-good…
--I think that possibly I can get caught up on laundry while kiddo rests on couch--ha ha….
--I rush to help barely-making-it-to-the-sink kid--uggh…
--My kid feels so so awful.  So not good….
--I get a load of laundry in--awesome…
--It's all de-germ-sick stuff….mixed…
--My kiddo asks me to cuddle on couch and watch Polar Express--Good.  Very good.

So…despite not making it to my job today (and the huge guilt associated with that),
Despite a horribly sadly sick child,
Despite the smell of cider vinegar permeating every fiber of this house,
Despite a day of not working and still not being productive,..

I find nothing in this home except gratitude and joy.

Because, you see, tooday is the anniversary of Sandy Hook.

My fourth grader is here and he wants to cuddle with me.

So I will.
All afternoon.

However….
I am going to bleach the sink.
A lot.

My (almost) New Job….

Today my kids saw a "Now Hiring" sign at Braum's.
They asked me if I would take the job so they could have free ice cream.

I asked them who would take care of them while I was working….and they said, "Dad."

"Do you think you'd ever have clean underwear if Dad was taking care of you every day?"

They said that NOT ONLY would they have clean underwear…
but that he would cook food for them
(especially bacon which he makes awesomely and they can eat it but they can't eat mine it's so bad)
and get stuff out of the freezer for them
and take them places
and clean stuff
and make them do homework but not so strictly and not right after school.

So go on and take the job, mom.

When I told my RH all of this (in front of kids) he laughed and agreed.
Yup,  agreed.

Said he would do a great job.

So I'll check if they're still hiring, I guess.

Flash forward to 9:00.

I've just come home from picking up my eldest from Wyldlife.

RH tells me that Carolyn threw up.
On her carpet.

And he said he just looked at it….and didn't know where to begin.

(Seriously?  Amateur.  Not knowing where to begin is for multiple upchucks on a top bunk that continue as a sickee climbs down the ladder still projectile vomiting.  WITH another person on the bottom bunk.  Sheesh.)

Apparently Carolyn had walked over to his side of the bed (where he had dozed off watching football) and told him (after coughing copiously all over his face and in his water glass) that she had thrown up.

RH followed her groggily into her bedroom and asked, "Where?"

She looked at him incredulously and said,

(wait for it)

"You're standing in it, Dad."

So.

And so.

After hearing the story, I asked my sweet newly showered spouse if he still wanted me to apply at Braum's.

Can you guess the answer?

Of Tutus and Jack Hammers...

This morning I came across a link on Facebook entitled: "Must watch with your daughter!"

I peeked at the preview (during the time I could have/should have been doing something WAY more productive) and saw it looked potentially cute and relatively harmless.

Something about "boys' toys being for girls too" and stereotypes and all of that.

Since it seemed to involve a bunch of cutie pie's singing "We are the Champions" I thought my own little rock star might actually enjoy it, and kept it up on my computer screen to show her at breakfast.

My boys left early for school with their grandfather
(for 6:45 AM haircuts….which is soooooooo not kosher)
so Carolyn and I had some alone time.

As she was munching on her waffles I played the video.

It was cute.
A bunch of little girls trying to communicate that they could ride skateboards and build things just as well as they could play baby-dolls and do ballet.

Fine!
True!
Skate and build away!

Then the girls skated/ran/barrelled into a toy store and congregated in the "girl aisle".
You know the one.
It's easy to recognize because it's stocked with all things pink and glitzy and domestic and barbie and Lala Loopsy.

Anyway….when the diva/construction workers arrived there they skidded to a stop and let out a decidedly un-girly collective roar.
Then a caption came across the screen saying something like, "Disrupting the Pink Aisle!"

Apparently the point of this video is to encourage girls to embrace and enjoy subjects such as math, science and engineering as much as boys seem to do.  A new toy company has designed some sort of engineering toys that are supposed to help break down the gender barrier in toys.

Great idea.  Lovely thoughts.
I am, in fact, all about any kind of equalization toys.

As a kid I had all different kinds of toys.
Truly.
I had the requisite  Cabbage Patch Kid…but mostly I just used it as a pillow for my stuffed dogs.
I played Barbies….but they hung out with Luke Skywalker in the Ewok Village and did violent battles against Professor Cold Heart from the Care Bears.

My brother (please don't hate me for this dear brother of mine!) had an "Adoption Doll" my mother had made him named Charles.
He looooooooooved that baby.
Dressed it and carried it and put it to bed.
And cuddled it.
Often.

As we grew up my brother turned more to potato guns and Ninja night-stalking.
I, however, never really grew more "girly."
Sure…I dabbled with makeup in the 7th grade….but I didn't really like it.
I did gymnastics instead of ballet and mowed the lawn instead of doing KP.

My parents didn't push us one direction or the other….they just let us BE.

Now I have a daughter myself.
And I think the apple, perhaps,  rolled a small distance from the tree.

She loves loves loves playing "family" and being a mom to her baby dolls.
She loves playing "teacher" and setting her animals and babies up in neat rows.
She loves pretending to clean the entire house--complete with doing laundry.
She loves playing "waitress" and taking orders and serving all of us food and lattes.
She is all things glitzy.
She adores pink and butterflies and unicorns.
She loves kittens and puppies that fit in tiny leopard print purses which she carries everywhere.
She is the reason Toys R Us created that pink aisle.

However….
My daughter also has the ability to tackle her 3 year older brother and take him down to the ground.
Hard.
She can do burpees (the pushup things that result from any of our kids arguing) with better form than either of her brothers.
She looks at me with barely concealed disdain when she sees another little girl acting scared of bugs.

When she grows up, my almost 7 year old wants to be a cashier at Target.

She is a little girl.
She is tough.
She is HERSELF.

Here's the thing.
I truly agree with the premise of gender equality.
There are very few things that should be limited to one person or another based on their sex.

(Having babies and upright urination are among the few exceptions.)

As long as a person is capable of doing something….they should be allowed to do it.

My son played 4th grade tackle football this year.
(Uggh.  Scary sport for a mom.)
He was beyond appalled when he heard about another team with (gasp) a GIRL on it.

He came home sputtering and blubbering about what an AWFUL thing it was.
His brother was aghast when he heard about it too.

They came together to tell me about this HORRIBLE thing…fully expecting me to agree with them.

Surprise.

"Well," I asked, "Can she run pretty fast?"

"Yeah," said my younger son, "She went really far."

"Can she tackle?"

"Ummm….yeah.  She took a lot of people down.  She blocked a lot."

"When she got tackled did she cry and run away and say it wasn't fair?"

"Mom! No! It's football!"

"So….why shouldn't she play?"

"BECAUSE SHE'S A GIRL!"

After I pointed out that several boys on his team had cried about unfairness this week,
and several boys on his team didn't run too quickly,
and several boys on his team were afraid to tackle….
I shared my view with them.

Every job (or sport or team or position) has certain criteria.
If somebody meets that criteria….they should be able to fulfill that job.

Irregardless of gender, race, religion, physical disability or anything else that the discrimination act may throw out…..
If they can do it…..do it.

However…I also shared with my kids this side:
If they can't do it….they shouldn't do it.

People should not be put into positions or accepted onto teams or promoted into roles if they cannot or do not fulfill the criteria.
Irregardless of gender, race, religion, physical disability or anything else that the discrimination act may throw out.

At some point….that football-loving girl may not be able to run as fast as her team mates.
Or tackle them.
Or handle being tackled without severe bodily harm.

Then…she shouldn't be playing.

Because here's the deal (and yes…I'm done with my political-ish rant now):
God created boys and girls differently.

Not just the obvious differences….
But the ones that are deep inside and can't be easily seen.

The Bible describes women as "The weaker vessel."
It's true.
Like it or not….it's in there…1 Peter 3:7, in fact.

As a kid/young adult/middle-aged adult I have spent way too much time trying to prove this scripture wrong.  
It really gets got under my skin.
I have often gone out of my way to prove my strength….
And, in fact, am a pretty tough girl.

But….RH is still stronger.
If we did the same work out regiment for our whole life….
he would still be stronger.
Even if I did that psycho Cross Fit stuff he adores….I'm sure he would still be stronger.

Fact.

The Bible also says that women were created as a help-mate to their husbands.  As a perfect complement to a male persona.

Men are instructed to protect and provide care for women.

When Mary found out she was to be the mom to Jesus the angel told her, "Blessed are you among women."  (Luke 1:28)
Among women.  Among all people, surely.
But among women especially.

You see….women are a different group than men.
Men make up a different group than women.

You can take away toy guns from a boy…
But he'll find some sticks or his fingers and make a weapon to protect people from "bad guys."

You can give a girl a toy truck instead of a doll….
But she'll wrap that truck up in a t-shirt and rock it as she sings.

Some girls love to:
Build with a hammer and nails….
Twirl and sing in the grass….
Play with dinosaurs….
Have a tea party with dinosaurs….
Wrestle….
Play kick ball…
Skip rope….
Use glitter…
Drive race cars….
Wear tutu's everywhere….
Serve everyone….
Eat (real) mud pies…
Cuddle with their moms….


Insert the word "boy" in the section above and it works just fine too.

On the whole (and NOT always!)…gals are the nurturers.
The whole "maternal instinct" thing is just plain true.
Even when they're not mama's.

God made females that way.

So let a little girl use a jack hammer to smash up a bunch of rocks.
But….if she wants to take all the little pebbles she's created and name them and make a family of them and put them in a pink shoe-box home….let her do that too.

Carolyn like the video I showed her.
Who wouldn't like girls in tutus riding skateboards?

But when it was over,
And she was left looking at the "anti-girl stuff" slogan over her favorite aisle in the toy store…..
I had something to tell her.

Carolyn-
You can be anything you want to be.
Don't let anyone EVER tell you can't do something JUST BECAUSE you're a girl.
And don't let anyone EVER tell you you SHOULD do something because you're a girl.

Be a doctor.
Be an engineer.
Be a stay-at-home mom.
Be a teacher.
Be a roofer.
Be a missionary.

God created you to be YOU.
If something makes you sad that doesn't make other kids sad….that's ok.
If something is interesting to you that other girls don't seem interested in…that's fine.

It's ok and good and wonderful to love glittery pink and purple dust pans.
It's ok and good and wonderful to love being a "mom" to your babies.
It's ok and good and WONDERFUL to enjoy the things God made you to enjoy.

Right now the world is telling you that you have to go out and compete like a boy.
Like a man, eventually.

Let me tell you my precious kid….
They're wrong.

Got out there and compete like YOU.
The wonderful girl God made.

If you want to do something?  Try it.
If you can do it?  Do it.
If you find out you don't really like it or it's not for you?
Find YOUR niche.

Because I promise….God made you a very special perfect niche.
Perfect for a tough tackling little glittery diva like you.

Be what you want.

And she looked at me wide-eyed.
And nodded.
And swallowed her waffles.

Then she got her glittery self into the car for school.

I never in a million years thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom with two degrees.
Never.
But I know I'm exactly where God wants me to be….and I find pure joy in that.

And if Carolyn decides that a career as a Target cashier is what she really wants?
Well…maybe I'll get a discount at the Starbuck's there.
They have cake-pops, you know.